Marital Separation Advice
From Adviceopedia
After leaving your spouse, you may be searching for some marital separation advice to get you through this difficult time. Read some common questions couples have right after they leave their marriage.
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Marital Separation Advice Questions
What is the purpose of marital separation?
Divorce should not be rushed or taken lightly. Marital separation is time away from your spouse to confirm that divorce is what you and your spouse want. It's important to mentally prepare yourself for the final end to the marriage.
Dealing with Feelings
One of the most difficult parts of leaving your spouse is overcoming feelings you have about the end of your marriage.
Why do you feel so sad about the end of your marriage even though you know it's best?
Marital separation is the beginning of the end of your marriage. This end means you will no longer have it in your life again, much like when someone dies. You will go through a period of mourning the marriage. Many people misunderstand this feeling and think it means that they should return to the marriage, when in actuality, it has nothing to do with the relationship you had with your spouse but the loss of something you used to have.
How does the spouse, who doesn't want the divorce, reconcile with his/her spouse?
When one spouse wants to end the marriage, it usually means that he/she has already left the marriage a while ago, emotionally. All you can do is voice how much you want to try to rectify the marriage and suggest counseling. If your spouse continues to want the separation, the best things to do are step back and hope he/she reconsiders. Be aware, the more you push for reconciliation, the more your spouse will push you away.
How do you deal with a spouse who continues to bother you?
Your spouse is having a difficult time separating him/herself from the marriage. Support your spouse and explain that this decision was made because of certain reasons. Reminding your spouse about why the separation has happened, may help him/her move on.
If your spouse begins to harass you, you can threaten to get a restraining order. If he/she does not stop, proceed with one.
Moving on after Marital Separation
Many couples do not wait for the divorce settlement to move on to other relationships. The following is marital separation advice for individuals looking to get back into the dating field.
Can you start dating people while separated?
Yes, you can start dating people. However, if you are still friendly with your soon-to-be ex spouse, ask if he/she minds. During a marital separation, keeping the peace is important so you don't end up with a high conflict divorce, which could affect your divorce settlement.
Should you tell your dates that you are not divorced yet?
Yes, you should disclose that you are not divorced yet. You don't want to start dating someone already hiding something from him/her. Many people would rather wait until someone is officially divorced before getting involved with someone so that their feelings don't get hurt if the person decides to reconcile with his/her spouse.
Parenting during Separation
Couples with children must learn to parent their children separately. Marital separation is a taste of what parenting will be like once divorce finalizes.
Who will have custody of the children during the separation?
If you and your spouse are unable to come to a decision about where the children will live, you can consult the court. The court will order the children to live with one parent or split between both. The court can also determine visitation. Judgments can change during divorce proceedings.
Who will make decisions about the children?
During marital separation, both parents can continue to make decisions about their children. It's important to continue to work together on issues about the children because they may not understand why you and your spouse have split up and may be having issues with this.
How do you help children during the separation?
The best thing you can do is communicate with them. Answer their questions as best as you can and be sure to give them emotional support. Remind them that it's not because of them that you are leaving their other parent because many children do believe they are the reason for their parents' divorce.
Where to Go for More Advice
Many professionals are available to help you during marital separation and divorce. You can contact a therapist to help you through the feelings of leaving your spouse or to discuss ways to better parent your children or help them through this time. You can also make an appointment with a therapist for your children if you feel they are taking the divorce much harder than you can handle.
For legal issues, you can contact a divorce attorney. If you are looking to save some money and you are having an amicable separation, you can use a mediator. If you both have disagreements but can't afford a divorce attorney, look into legal aid, which usually has lower fees.
